Yup, welcome to the day I found out I had cancer two years ago.
"What we see is consistent with lymphoma," Dr. Margie Lim said. "Amy, you have cancer."
GULP.
I remember what I was wearing. I never wear that shirt anymore, but it still hangs in my closet. I remember exactly where I was driving in my car. I was on the 92, heading to work, and I missed my Ralston Street exit because I was, well, distracted. So I stayed on until the 101 and went south. I skipped the EA exit because I went right to her office. The receptionists knew. When else do you not have to wait in the waiting room an annoyingly long time? They escorted me right in. I didn't even get weighed. Bonus!
Eventually I got around to making some phone calls. They started something like "Hey, are you busy? I have some news and it isn't very good." And then I tailored them to each individual person. Some were sad, some had "WTF?" laughs, and some scared people. I was pretty numb. I attribute that to the shock.
Two days later I met her. The woman that saved my life. We still stay in touch, even though she is not my regular oncologist anymore. You're not really supposed to go out and be friends with your doctors, but in this case, how can we be prohibited contact?
We emailed today:
From: priya chakravarthi
Date: Thu, Mar 5, 2009 at 2:10 PM
Subject: Re: Hi
To: Amy Bartlett amyebartlett@gmail.com
I was diagnosed two years ago today. I met you on March 7th, 2007. Thank you for saving my life. I think about you all the time and am grateful for you every day.
Thank you never seems like enough... Amy
Today, I'm reminded of my blog friend, Jen. It is her 35th birthday and she spent it in the chemo lounge. Not an ideal place, but she sure did it in style. It gave me ideas if I ever have to go back. Her new chemo to prep for her stem cell transplant is called ICE so she blinged herself out with a diamond tiara and lots of "ICE". Bravo, girl. Jen did tell me that since statistically one of would eventually relapse, she's taken the hit for me and our other blog friend, Francesca. What a team player. We have never met in person, but she feels like a friend in every sense of the definition. Her blog is very real, and always very witty. She has a young daughter, and after explaining to her that mommy would be at the doctor a lot, etc. she asked her "Do you have any questions about mommy's medical stuff?" Her daughter deadpans this one: "Yes. How do I get some more candy?"
Shin, another blog I discovered at the recommendation of Francesca, recently died. She is this exraordinary woman that died of breast cancer after beating it once then it came back with a vengeance. Her story is incredible, and requires a lot of tissue, but well worth the read. The videos of her eulogies are more than tough, but it sure makes me wish I had known her.
I don't have much else to say that hasn't already been said. Kiss your loved ones. Be thankful for every day you have. And keep fighting against cancer. In our lifetime, I want us all to be able to ask this question:
"Do you remember when people used to get cancer?"
Congrats on your cancerversary! May you come to the day when you actually forget yours, which is what happened to me last December.
Carl
"A Pastor's Cancer Diary"
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com
Posted by: Carl Wilton | March 07, 2009 at 10:43 AM