The ones I dread the most. Exams. Check-ups. The fear that my doctor can say those words to me again. Blood work that can be unusual. All of it.
Tomorrow I have a check up. I'm not sure if my oncologist will order me a PET scan or not. If you'll remember, back in August before I went to Bali, we decided to wait on having one. I had my exam, he said everything was fine with me, but I did not have a PET. It has been 6 months since the last one and I would honestly feel better having one and making sure nothing creepy is growing in me again. But with the scan comes all of the anxiety that a check up under the hood brings me. But I am not a car, I can't just turn up the radio and pretend I didn't hear the noise. I don't have any real symptoms that I know of, but I am still pretty hypersensitive to just about anything. I still haven't experienced that day. The day they promise I will experience. The day where at least 24 hours pass and I don't think about cancer once.
I'm now meeting so many other current patients or other survivors through friends, and through the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Is it just me, or is cancer kind of everywhere these days? Or I am just more aware? I've had several people tell me I am the first person they really knew to have cancer, but since me, they've known a lot more. We have to stop this beast.
So tomorrow is going to come and go like any other, I hope. No sense worrying until there is something to worry about. But ironically, that is what I said all weekend before they told me I had IT.
Please keep prayers and thoughts for DK and for Chris...I will post about her tomorrow. I need your help with something. :)
thinking of you and sending good vibes ...!
I am having a CT next week. ALSO HATE THESE DAYS.
love
ciao
Swiss Miss
Posted by: Francesca | December 04, 2008 at 04:12 AM